Do Friendships Get Harder The Older We Get?
A little monday read
I read a blogpost by Samantha Maria the other day titled ‘Why Don’t I Have Any Female Friends?’ She touched upon the uncomfortable and slightly awkward situation of not being able to “bring some friends” to that event, but rather getting used to just going alone. She talks about how it’s been easier for her to connect with men over women, and then she talks about making new friends in your 20’s, which is definitely hard. If you have 10 minutes to spare, you should give her post a read.
I know I’ve written about friendship anxiety before and last week I asked myself ‘Am I Even A Good Friend?’ after yet another bad experience with making new girlfriends (and you were all so nice in the comments over on Facebook). It’s like I’m in Sex & the City, but I’m just dating potential girlfriends and not dating men. Literally. I know it was my own choice to move away from all my friends in Denmark. But to my defense they live all over the country, and one even in London. So staying in Denmark for the sake of having my girlfriends next to me is not reality either.
I tell myself that making friends as a child was so much easier. And it probably was. We were together all day in school and could hang out in the afternoon if we wanted to. There was loads of drama (I can tell from looking in my diaries from those year, gosh that’s an embarrassing read), and it occurred way more frequently back then. But as my mom said “We have problems all life. As children/teens they are more frequent, but less serious, and as adults they are rarer, but more serious.” She hit the nail on that one (Note to self: listen more to your mom). As adults were not ‘placed’ with potential friends like we were in school. You have colleagues, who might become close friends over time, but the number one priority is to work together. In my experience I never really started seeing my colleagues outside of work. I somehow wasn’t seen as part of the group they would invite for a night cap or to that Sunday hangout at brunch. Now that I work from home, my colleague is Edward (my boyfriend) whom I often ask for opinions on an e-mail or an idea, who takes my photos for this blog, and who sometimes will critique my videos to push me to do better. But he’s my boyfriend. He can’t also fill out the colleague role not to mention the colleague-gone-friend role.
The other day I was sat at a café, writing, and two girls were sat two tables down. Another two girls come to sit at the table next to me, and there was a slight opening I could’ve said hi and introduced myself. But I didn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I was trying to figure out how to. Long story short, I didn’t start a conversation which I regretted after. I know it would’ve probably just been a short and not very personal conversation, but I have to be better at just catching that ball and run with.
But I’m hopeful when I hear stories of how women found their work-wife or new BFF in their late 20’s. It does happen.